apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
