cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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