she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
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I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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