the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
