Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
