You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
