Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
