help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
