i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
