Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
