i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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