it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
