Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
