I wanna bring you to show and tell
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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