I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
