If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
