I'm so fucking centered right now
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
