New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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