he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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