I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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