he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
