oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
