Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
