1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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