Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
