I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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