she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
