I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
