best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
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so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
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She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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