I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Welp...herpes.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he fucked my hip out of place.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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