Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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