whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
