i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
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only you would photoshop your dick
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
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He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
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