The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
