Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Sorry about my life...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
