WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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