did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
