the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
