Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
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he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
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People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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