apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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