But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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