if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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