The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She made me pour olive oil on her.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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