I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
