Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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