She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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