When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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