how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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