That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
