I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
