I must be too annoying 4 u.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Are my feet made of real feet?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
