**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
