Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
