Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
