I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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