Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
