I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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