wrigley field is MILF paradise
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
