whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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