I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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