i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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